Behaviour Dynamics Of A Child
It is said that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.
Sometimes, the same can be said about misbehaviour. Both parents perceive the same act of the child differently, depending upon their conditions and moods. Most of the parents are sceptical about the idea of punishing the child at the time when they misbehave in front of their friends, relatives and others. Several observations show how child learns to misbehave. The panic reaction compels the parents to succumb to even their unjust demands. Let us see how it works:
A young child wants to buy a thing (Ex: a toy)
You say NO
Child persists and cries for it
You firmly refuse
Child starts howling in public/throws tantrum and lies down on the floor/ blackmails you emotionally
You’re embarrassed and give in to what you have been opposing to moments ago
What is the lesson learnt by the child?
1. Throwing Tantrums, misbehaving and embarrassing the parents, GETS REWARD.
2. Erosion of authority and respect for the parent.
3. Misbehaviour of a disillusioned/discouraged child.
Interestingly most of the parents are unaware of the behaviours dynamics of the child. They believe that such misbehaviour is part of normal growing up and the child will come out of it automatically. But actually they are probably mistaken.
Let me throw some light on the cause of the child’s misbehaviour.
1. Parents, either ignorant or extra strict: being thrust into strange hands (nannies/crèches)
2. Failure in delivering promises: parents’ inability to carry out measures (if any) or even promises (rewards).
3. Confusing Commands: When there is duality in the commands of parents.
4. Conflict in the family: Lack of respect amongst parents.
5. Hassled childhood: stress of expectations and over burdened of activities.
6. Broken Homes: Separated parents confuse the child.
Solutions:
Dear friends! You have a great tool in your hand. They are as follows:
1. Both parents should be consistent: Opinions are subject to change and will always in some way reflect the principles of disciplining the child.
2. Optimise your expectations: Be careful with your expectations. Not too high, not too low.
3. Earning respect: Beware of what you are saying or doing in front of your child.
4. Command should be the same by both parents.
5. Family time: A solid structure needs a firm foundation. Successful families are built on the source of guidance that work.
6. Rate your sense of priority: Movie/TV or family time.
Best Exercise you can try: Look at the old photographs of your child and think: werea they born with behaviour difficulties? The answer will always most likely to be a NO.
